I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
