At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
