If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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