he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
