batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
