I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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