The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
