This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize