I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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