Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
