Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Damn victory sex feels great
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
