Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
MIDGETS
????
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
