omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
