9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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