All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
