saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
