How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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