Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
