Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
