I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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