he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
