No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize