We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
