Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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