What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
