Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
