i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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