It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
