Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
