i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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