Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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