i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
