i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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