hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
