How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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