I'm so fucking centered right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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