...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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