You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
