I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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