Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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