i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
