I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
