Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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