evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
