obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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