i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
