yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
