Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
