R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
