I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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