found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
