the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
