The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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