South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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