fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
