people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
