...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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