I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
