We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
