I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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