I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
