If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize