in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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