We're like a lot better than the average bears
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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