I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
someone owes me an orgasm
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
