I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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