piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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