On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
